SO WHAT'S UP EVERYBODY I'm back with another myth
I didn't have to do any searching this time
because I learned it when I was FIVE YEARS OLD
terrorizing other small children
drinking from those cheap unsatisfying juice boxes and playing Mario Kart
so basically not much changed
I just couldn't read back then
any other Sinnoh buttholes on this blog better get ready
get your panties in a twist for this one
SINNOH BUTTHOLES REPRESENT

so back in the day
people were just hitting rocks together and going BLUH BLUH
that was the height of technological development
this one guy
gets
wait for it
let's drumroll too ba-dum-tsh
A SWORD
A REALLY FREAKING SWEET SWORD
naturally, he does what every human being with a pulse does
when they get their hands on a weapon
which is GO ON A MASSIVE KILLING SPREE
because he is young and knows not the consequences of his actions
also
there were no video games or anything to sate the urge back then.

now let me be clear here
I am all for killing things to eat them
because eating things is great
and no one wants to be stuck on eating celery or some shit for the rest of their days
this guy, however
WELL.
You know when you go to a buffet and there's a sign that says
"take all you want, but eat all you take"?
THIS JERK
does not eat all he takes
he doesn't even take home his leftover kills in those paper boxes
(or occasionally, plastic or styrofoam, but I DIGRESS)
to share with the rest of his family
(does he even have a family?)

SO EVENTUALLY THE WEIGHT OF THIS MAN'S CONSEQUENCES
COMES CRUSHING DOWN LIKE A FUCKING SNORLAX OR SOMETHING
EXCEPT WAIT
THERE ARE NO MORE POKEMON
IT'S JUST A CONSPICUOUSLY SNORLAX-SHAPED ROCK
THAT BURSTS INTO CONSEQUENCES WHEN IT MAKES CONTACT WITH HIS SKULL
IT IS A LITERAL CONSEQUENCE GEODE
except instead of crystal it's slow starvation during the winter
because refrigeration and reliable means of preserving and importing food
have not been invented yet
and some fuck in your tribe thought it was a GREAT idea to just kill everything.

So Killy McMurder's just wandering the wilderness now
walking around aimlessly and slowly starving to death
when out of the tall grass her hears a suspicious rustling
actually, all rustling would be suspicious
I mean he did just kill a whole lot of living things
and out from the rustling grass
appears
A POKEMON
I was never told what kind of Pokemon it was
So I'm just going to assume it was a Bidoof
Because let's just be honest, fellow Sinnoh buttholes
When is it ever not a Bidoof?

Guy asks Bidoof where all the totally sweet and killable Pokemon went
Bidoof's like "aw man you come into MY house, you stab MY entire clan to death"
"now listen here you murderous jerkwad"
"if you ever use a weapon against us"
"EVER"
"we will wreak murderous havoc on you and everyone you love"
and dude's like
"well shit"
"I guess I better find a new hobby"
so that's why nobody runs around with swords anymore

and I guess the moral of the story is
if a Pokemon talks to you
first check if you ingested anything funny
then
if you didn't
you should probably listen to its advice.
ALSO
don't kill things indiscriminately
it doesn't even matter if you have a totally sweet sword
just don't
you will eventually run out of things to kill and die.